Now, if you've been perusing these pages, you already know that Marshall-tucker and I have met in person. And you already know that we have been chatting with each other in Yahoo for over a year so far.
 

We were friends in the 'hoo for 4 months before we began to seriously pay attention to one another. It was another 3 months after that before we met in person. Three more months before we had a true solo visit. Three more months before my kids met him in person.

Why am I reminding you of this?

Because, even though we are what you could call a 'net success story, we still took it slow. We still approached with caution. Please remember that as you read on in this page. I'm not preaching anything here I didn't already do for myself.

First of all, please, stop and think. I know your heart is racing with all sorts of wonderful feelings that you've had from meeting that soulmate on the internet. I've been there.

I've also been around the chat world for six years. I've seen successes, and I've seen failures, cyberly and 3-d. And, being a chatter for so long, I'm sort of sensitized to the internet stories that make the news, too, and those have a tendency to be ugly, sad stories.

It's very easy, very human, to get caught up in the feelings that are evoked in the words flickering across your screen. But, what I want to stress here, is that it is very easy to say "just the right things", or read just what we want to see into those typed words. A few weeks, a couple of months...how many hours have you spent in this person's company? How well do you know them? Have you seen all their moods, or just the pleasant side?

Anyone who rushes you to reveal more about your personal information (address, income, etc.) than you are comfortable giving, should raise your suspicions. If someone seems too good to be real, stop and THINK! 

Now, I'm not saying in any way that people from the net should not meet. I have met over 100 people from the internet in my 6 years online. Some, for just a coffee, never to be seen again, because it wasn't as mutually charming in person as it was online. Some, (a group of about 30 of us) for a time, became once-a-month lunch pals. A few, became deep friends whom I cherish and would welcome to my home at any time. Not all were met out of romantic interest. One was. Marshall-tucker, to be precise. But the same rules of safety apply, be it for friendship, curiosity, or the possibility of a long and happy life together. Safety is a key factor here.

The first time you meet, should NOT be solo in a secluded place. At the very least, meet in a public place, with plenty of other people around. Restaurants in the day time are good places for this. It's also good to have a back-up plan, in case one of you isn't what the other expected. This could be as simple as keeping that first meet short, with the mutual understanding that there is an end point to the amount of time to be spent. Or, could mean dragging a good friend along with you to meet this person. Or, just having that friend nearby, where you can call on them for help if needed.

Meeting alone in a hotel, where no one knows you is not a good idea. Meeting alone in your home that first time, is not a good idea. Approach this like you would, say, a blind date, or someone you just met in a local bar. You don't take them home to meet Mom, Dad and the kids after knowing them just a few minutes. The simple fact is, that there are those, who have found the internet to be a very useful tool for finding victims. 

Be sure SOMEONE knows where you are going, who you are meeting, and when to expect you back. Have a plan of what they will do if for any reason you don't return as expected. If, for whatever reason, you can't think of anyone you trust with this information, there are a couple of other options. If you live alone, of course, an easy way to leave information behind for your own safety is to call your own answering machine and leave yourself a message. 

"I'm at such-and-such location, meeting so-and-so. I plan to be home at 10 o'clock on Tuesday morning."

Or, mail yourself a letter with the information in it, before you leave.

You may think I'm off the mark here, but, I for one, feel a lot better about coming home and erasing my answering machine or tearing up a letter than I do about the prospect of disappearing and never being heard from again, without a trace. Okay, enough of the paranoia.. let's talk prevention...

There are a myriad of ways to investigate the person you want to meet, before you meet them. Easiest, is to find someone else who has met them in person...a friend, a chat pal, someone that can assure you that the person is who they say they are. (Of course, you have to use good judgment in exactly who it is that you ask.)

Another is to flat out ask them for identifying information and use the internet to verify name, address, phone that match what you've been told. It's also possible to check for police record, and many other things about a person on the net. Again, I know this may sound a bit paranoid, but seriously...better safe than sorry.

Truly, I hope the best for anyone that meets friends/loves from the internet. It's all a matter of being savvy, keeping the net in perspective, and using a little common sense.

Here are a few recent news items that have come to our attention, regarding internet romance.

Want more information on Safety on the Internet? Check out this site about Love on the Internet, its pitfalls, and how to stay safe!